It's been awhile and we have a new placement.

It's been some time since I have written a blog post. I guess all this parenting stuff keeps me pretty busy and when I do have some down time I'll be honest I usually sleep, search Facebook, Pintrest and Instagram.  But of course a ton has happened since I last posted.  Two of the three siblings went home in October of last year and the baby (toddler now) is still with us.  We love him so much and have grown so attached to this little one it will break my heart into a million pieces when he goes home.  He continues to have a lot of developmental delays but he has made HUGE progress and continues to make gains everyday.  He is such a sweet boy, he loves giving hugs and blowing kisses and it melts my heart when he smiles and laughs.  From October through March we were down to three kids until I called my worker and told her we were ready to except more placements.  Within a few weeks we got the call for our new Little Guy.  He's really sweet and is settling in pretty well.  Life with two babies is really crazy, I guess it's like having twins.  Mr. M isn't walking yet so I'm carrying around two bundles of joy.  Going anywhere requires a lot of time and preparation and there is rarely a time when a baby isn't awake (including during the night.)  We have no idea how long Little Guy will be with us, his next court date is in May and Mr. M has a court date coming up in April.  I don't anticipate that Mr. M will be going home but no one knows for sure what the judge will decide.  Little Guy's parents will have to work their plan in order to get him back and at this point it'd to early to tell how they will do.  The not knowing part of foster care is so maddening sometimes.  I can sit for hours or even days trying to think out every scenario that might play out at court and of course I dream of the day that we would be able to make a child ours.  There are so many days when I think we need to quit this gig.  I should go back to work and we should just concentrate on "our" family.  Then I hear God talking to me, telling me that the work our family is doing is for his glory and in accordance with his will for our lives.  Caring for the least of these is hard and emotional and so much work but it's also needed.  I'm needed, God needs me and my family to do this.  He needs families like ours to care for these broken children showing them the love of Christ even if for just a moment.  He is in control and he promises in his word that he works all things for the good of his people so even when I don't understand how children can be returned to terrible situations I can be assured that the good we are doing (to bring Him glory) He will work for good even if I can't see it. He gives us the strength to carry on.  People are always telling me that I'm such an amazing person for being a foster parent.  I often give the glory back to God and try to convey that I am nothing really and that any good work that is being done through me is from God.  I can not do any of this.  I am an impatient, often crabby, selfish person.  But look what God is able to do even through me.  That is how I know this is a call from God.  If I could do this all on my own then God wouldn't be in it.

I haven't posted in awhile. I think mostly because life was just too crazy and sometimes even miserable.   Two of The Littles returned home a little over a week ago.  Although I am certain that they didn't return to a safe environment I have to admit I was glad to see them go.  The past six months have been beyond crazy.  Batman and Peanut were a lot to handle on a daily basis.  It's so sad that such little, inocent children can be so transformed due to parental neglect.  Most days I woke up to Batman screaming at the top of his lungs because he didn't want to get dressed (or some other menial request.)  The day then progressed with fighting, whining, complaining, crying, screaming and tantrums.  As soon as Batman started to calm down a bit Peanut came out of her shell and really gave a new meaning to the "terrible twos."  Again I know they are just children but dealing with them day in and day out was traumatizing for me.

In the end the judge decided they could return to their parents but she didn't feel confident that they were ready to parent Mr. M due to his special needs.  I'm not sure how that works, sending two home but not the third.  Needless to say we are thrilled that he is going to remain in care at least until January's next court date.  For him that means 3 more months of therapy where he will continue to thrive.  Life at our home has calmed down considerably and I am enjoying spending my days with Mr. M.

He is almost 11 months old and has made so many gains in the last 6, almost 7 months.  He is a beautiful baby and such a joy to love on.  I really don't think his parents are ever going to be able to provide for his needs the way he deserves but our system is one that favors birthparent rights to the detrament of children.  At some point I'm going to put all my thoughts on the system into writing, people need to know what is happening in our state.  It's so beyond broken I believe it's criminal.

Our foster care journey continues to move forward never knowing the whens or how's or whys.  It's a journey that has so many forks in the road and most of the time the direction isn't clear.   We will continue to navigate this adventure with the Lord as our pilot knowing that even when a system is so broken he is the one who is in control and each of these children are His.

Lazy days.....I think not.

Baby boy is here again for a few days and nothing about this week can qualify as the "lazy days of summer."  Although I am sitting down to write this post despite the fact that I have 5 kids running around playing and screaming and a baby entertaining himself on the floor so I guess not every moment is crazy.  It's great to see them all play well together and even better that I don't have to entertain them.  It's not so great when they start fighting and I have to step in and redirect.  The noise level is nuts and there are toys everywhere, which totally unnerves me.  I can't seem to get the laundry situation under control because each time I try to go upstairs to sort everything and put it away a fight breaks out.  So today I decided to just let it go and be present near the kids so I can help them navigate their playtime. Baby boy and Batman enjoy playing together but really struggle to share and cooperate with one another. Bubba also has a hard time getting everyone on the same page when trying to play a game, it just doesn't work when everyone wants to play their own way.  Peanut pretty much stays away from the boys and focuses her attention on Mr. M and Goose.  She loves to play with Goose and Goose is a great little mommy to her.  My heart swells with pride when I see her playing with Peanut and I can hear them laughing and enjoying themselves.  My time here is over, a request has been made that I go pick up the dog poop so they can play in the yard.  It's not a glorious job but it is a blessed one.

Summer time fun

Summer is here and our days are jam packed with activities.  Goose and Bubba our moving up, so long first and third grades, hello second and fourth!

Bubba tuned seven on the 16th, I can't believe how the time has flown.  He ties his shoes and can read and do math.  Just a few weeks ago he learned how to ride his bike without the training wheels.  He continues to love baseball and is such a joy in our lives!

Mommy and Bubba on his birthday

All star game!

The littles have been here just shy of three months.  I feel like it's been longer but that's probably because I'm so busy everyday all day.  Mr. M is doing really well and continues to make gains everyday.  He has rolled over a few times and is sleeping better for naps and at night.  Batman is having a harder time these days.  He is just so conflicted about being here away from his mom and dad.  His behavior shows us just how hard it is for him.

Here he is sporting his favorite mask.

Peanut is gaining more confidence everyday and now loves Big daddy.  She wants to do everything the big kids are doing and keeps up pretty well. She still struggles with night terrors which is so sad.  I just wish I knew what she was thinking.

Each day is filled with laughter, joy, crying, tears and lots of togetherness.  I do love summer!

What a weekend.....we survived!

Baby boy was here all weekend.  He is as tall as Bubba now so not such a "baby" anymore but that's how he will remain in my heart.  It was so good to see him. He really seemed so excited to be here.  He and Batman got along pretty well which was great. Bubba loved having his "brother" here for the weekend too.  All in all it went well, except for Baby boy biting Bubba, Bubba's black eye and......Bubba swallowing a penny.

We had our family over on Sunday and Monday and it was great to enjoy one another.  Everyone is so supportive of our family (as crazy as it is.)  It was really crazy walking through the hallway on my way to bed.  I just stopped at each closed door and thought "two little ones in that room, two in this room, one in this one, and one in this one."  How blessed we are to have the room.  I also felt blessed that all six went to sleep before 10 p.m. each night.

Big Daddy is now done with school for a week and a half, it's such a relief to have him home to help.  I was able to go and get a pedicure today and have my eyebrows threaded.  You know it's bad when the lady doing your toes asks "you want me to wax your eyebrows too?"  I didn't even tell her my next stop was the eyebrow place.  I didn't want to admit I was going somewhere else.  Now I have pretty toes and shaped brows, bring on the kids!

The littles have a visit tomorrow while Goose and Bubba are at school so Big Daddy and I are going on a lunch date.  I couldn't be more thrilled to actually have some time with just the two of us.  We are also going to a PTA fundraising even this weekend.  Two dates in one week, I must be spoiled.  It probably won't happen again for a few months so I'll take it.

Goose has started swim team this week, practicing every night.  I'm so glad the homework this last week of school has been light.  There just isn't enough time after school to play outside, go to a practice, eat dinner, do homework and be in bed by 8.  I really cherish the 8 o'clock bedtime, I some days I look forward to it from the time we get up.

I've started potty training Peanut and let's just say she's winning.  I know so many people have so many ideas/thoughts about potty training.  Some say wait unit they are ready, some say you should let your child lead the way. Well, I guess I don't fit into that group.  Kids get trained around here when we decide they are ready, and when a kid can tell you they pooped and then go get you a diaper and lay down to get changed, I think they are ready.  Now that being said I know that her life is so hard right now and potty training is just another stress.  The reality is I don't know when her life won't be stressful.  It's one more skill she could have under her belt when she is returned because it might not be something her birth parents commit to and help her with.  We are only two days into and I can already tell this isn't going to be easy.  She's the type of kid who will sit on the potty for quite awhile without complaining and then when you let her off and put the pull up on she pees immediately.  It's as if she's letting us know she is in charge of her bathroom functions.   The truth is she's right, it is one of the few things in her life she has control over.  you can't make someone go potty and you can't make them eat.  Often foster kids have issues with both.

Anyway, we will be consistent and offer rewards when she is successful and hopefully she will be trained by the time she's 4!

A crazy week

Our life has been totally crazy since the littles have arrived.  I guess that is to be expected.  I'll admit, I'm tired.  Mr. M had two doctor appointments this week and is now hopefully going to be seen by a neurologist.  I missed his therapy appointment on Monday because I was at the doctor getting my allergy shot.  Total mommy brain scheduling two things at the same time. Bubba and Goose continue to suffer terrible allergies and even after a week of eye drops are not finding relief.  I had Bubba back at the doctor on Tuesday to see what we can do to help.  Batman is in underwear this week and is doing really well other then the accident he had this afternoon.  Peanut is getting sick and has a terrible diaper rash she doesn't really want me to treat.  Our basement took in water again due to the rain which always makes doing laundry a nightmare. I brought up a load to put away and I'm not really even sure it was clean.  I can't smell so sniffing it didn't help.  I too am starting to feel sick and worry that if I am down for the count things will really get out of control.  We are headed into a three day weekend and have several family get togethers planned at our home so I pray we can all stay healthy.  Baby boy is coming for the weekend.  We haven't seen him in several months.  I'm anticipating a crazy weekend with six kids under our roof.  Despite all the stress I feel so blessed to have all that I do.  God continues to provide us with strength and energy to keep going.  There are days I say to myself "I'm not doing anything today," but in the end I find the energy to empty the dishwasher and reload it, do another load of laundry, wash all the bottles, spend time with Mr.M working on tummy time, get everyone loaded into the car for yet another doctor appointment, and make sure Goose and Bubba have their homework done. As evening approaches and I just want to relax I'm quickly reminded that someone has a game or a lesson, the kids need to eat, and five little bodies have to be bathed.  The kids didn't even see Big Daddy yesterday because he was at work late, Goose was most upset about missing her daddy.  I was in bed when he came home so we didn't even really connect either.  He just got home from work, dropped off some food for dinner and was out the door to take Bubba to swim lessons.  When Bubba returns he will be going straight to baseball practice and then Big Daddy will take Goose to her softball game. I don't think the Littles will see daddy today either. Right now we have too much going on and I keep trying to figure out how to simplify our life.  Swim lessons are ending this week (thank God.)  Bubba will have karate through June and baseball goes until July.  Goose will have Softball through June and will start swim team at the beginning of June.  I anticipate the Littles will be here this fall so I'm already thinking ahead.  We just can't keep up this schedule.  The plan is for Goose to do swim lessons through the school year and that's it.  Bubba will do karate.  One activity for each kid will be enough.  I would love to sign Batman up for soccer but we will see how everything is going. It's so hard to find balance. These days we seem too busy to really enjoy each other as a family.  Hopefully this summer we will be able to slow down a bit, or at least at the end of July and August we will.  Then the new school year will begin and it starts all over.  I'm really looking forward to this summer.  I love having Goose and Bubba home with me.  I know entertaining 5 kids all summer isn't going to be easy but having them home all day will be a blessing.  We plan to go to the pool a lot, after Big Daddy is home from work, so I only have to take three kids.  I'm sure we will go to the zoo and parks, and the kids are looking forward to our second trip to Great America (without the Littles.)  We had hoped to go on several camping trips but I'm not sure that is happening with 5 kids and 2 dogs.  We shall see though, maybe the spirit will move us, or we will all need to get the heck out of Dodge.  I'm finishing this post on Friday morning and I'm so thankful the weekend is here.

Mr. M is 6 months old!

We saw him turn 4 months, then 5 months and now he is half a year old.  He really is the sweetest baby and so cuddly.  He is going to have to overcome many challenges but we hope to help him continue to grow and thrive.  He is getting stronger everyday and is making progress.  He has two teeth and weighs close to 17 pounds.  He loves his hands and discovered his feet.  He has rolled over a few times but seems to be concentrating on his feet right now so hasn't rolled in a few days.  He loves eating his fruit but isn't a big fan of his veggies.  He smiles and laughs when you play with him but still isn't looking at faces.  He is talking and cooing and definitely let's me know when he's tired or hungry.  He still doesn't sleep through the night (I'm hoping that is coming soon.)  He is just a joy and so easy to love.

Here he is with big sister playing with his Giraffe.